People who feel they are incompetent often suffer from low self-esteem (feel they are ‘rubbish’). Esteeming the self is, as wise people have always said, a terrible trap. The way to stop a person from feeling they are rubbish is to teach them competences. Our brains evolved to learn, solve problems and achieve and we feel inadequate whenever we are not in the process of doing that. This is one of the ways we satisfy the need for meaning.

Questions to ask when considering the need for competence and achievement:

• Do you feel that what you do isn’t stretching you enough; for example in work, or in your education?
• Do you feel bored a lot of the time?
• Do you feel out of your depth and stressed instead of stretched?
• Are there activities in your life you look forward to?
• What new skills are you currently learning?
• Are you discovering new talents in yourself?
• Do you feel like you are achieving your dreams and ambitions?